The first day of school is always a little bit scary, who's in your class, who're your teachers, what's the schedule and go on like that. Especially when you're changing schools and you have to get to know the building to find your way and not get lost every five minutes. This year, I am going to a completely new school where I'm going to spend four years of my life. Last monday we had an introduction day and this monday my lessons will start. The introduction was okay, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be. Maybe because of all the positive changes I have been through last year, there are so much great memories but the one I find the greatest is the Philosophy symposium. I was such a nervous scared wreck, no confidence at all. It helped loads to gain confidence. My advice would be to just get out there and just talk to people because most of us are nervous to meet new people. Nobody knows how someone will react to you and everybody just wants to be found nice. There's actually no reason to look down on people unless you're going to help them up. So I just got my books in the mail, they're freaking thick. I'm going to study laws, I am excited yet scared at the same time. I'm mainly scared for the 'what ifs or the whys'. I really should be able to do this properly but nobody can predict the future. I just do not want to fail, I cannot fail. As mentioned the books are thick, especially the ones that describe all laws. I just hope I'll be okay at it, without lots of stress which I had last year. Last year I actually did two years in one and three years in three months, crazy when I think about it but I passed. This year will hopefully go regularly. My schedule is alright, short days and most start in the afternoon which is quite a bummer. I am a morning person and love to have the middays off but the schedule changes every week so who knows it'll be sometimes in my benefit?
Anyway for all of you out there who're going to school this year I wish a lot of luck and with commitment and hard work you should be able to get there, so will I.

Love, Tien.

Love me out of spite,
Love me when I'm out of sight,
Love me without leaving,
Love me without deceiving,
Love me wherever I am
Just the way I am.
Love me in spite of everything.
Love me without needing any reason,
Love me completely,
Every season.

©TIEN

Life.
Time passes quietly by in these days filled with noise.
We actually live a life like a clock ticking away without hands.
One forever lasting period of time and when looking back it secretly swiftly passed by.
That's what's happening in my life these past three years.
I don't remember that I have ever been so happy, so busy and just so eupeptic.
Of course life is filled with it's bad and good moments, so is everyones and so is mine.
Through this life of mine I have learned that people who're sick of their shadow, who're jealous of your sun, start raining on your path.
And I have learned that it cannot rain forever, no matter how much it tries to stay wet.

Now I am not being a complete idiotic optimist, I have learned far too much for that this year.
There is always room for some criticism, on your life, your choices and your actions.
I used to be a complete idiotic optimist without any criticism on the choices I made.
I always thought that hard work and commitment would pay of in the end but now I have learned that hard work doesn't always make the cut.
There's that saying that the strong use their strength and that the weak should just be smart to make it through.
Who ever made that saying up obviously had no clue about life at all. You need both strength and wisdom to make it through, there honestly is no choice. There is no such thing as strong or weak people. There is just people and their choices during life.
I do not believe that I have fully learned how to use both strength and wisdom but I am developing and I am sure that everyone who's open for learning and who's open for being hurt at times will eventually learn how to make the sun shine just a little brighter.. even if those clouds seem too dark.

Anyway. I have graduated this year.
I am happy and sad at the same time.
I've had such a good year, I actually felt at home at my school, I met really nice people and I had good bonds with some of my teachers.
In a previous post I wrote that I had to do two years philosophy in two months, that was a writing mistake.
It actually were three years of philosophy in two and a half month, I believe I compared it with moving mountains and i was quite insecure about it.
I was insecure because I did NOT wanted to fail.
Mainly because philosophy is the only wisdom I really had, the only subject I honestly was interested in.
For me philosophy wasn't just a subject I had to take at school, it was a deeper hobby, it was my free time, it were my deeper thoughts and writings and if I would fail I would fail in all those things that had a meaning for me.
So for me, I would fail in life because of the meaning it always has had for me.
In these last three months I have studied metaphysics, epistemology, ethics, anthropology, free will and I had to attend a symposium and actually give a reading there. I chose to talk about the difference between Blaise Pascal and Rene Descartes regarding their opinion of religion since both lived in the same time and both were religious and brilliant men.
Any philosophy knower or student with recognize that this is almost impossible to learn in three months and especially without ever getting lessons from a recognized teacher in those subjects. I only got a few weeks lessons in free will because that's where the class was.
And you know what.
I have NOT failed.
I may have failed in the last exam, the free will exam.
But I have Not failed in my philosophical knowledge.
I am happy I have done this, it made me even more interested in philosophy and it made me even more conscious about daily things we just take for granted, we just do because they're just the us usual.
I may have failed in the free will exam but I have not failed in the knowledge I have about free will and I am planning to deepen myself even more in it. I think that free will is one of the most complicated and yet most interesting aspect of philosophy because free will actually contains all the other aspects of philosophy. You cannot simply learn about free will without knowledge about any other aspect.
This was just the beginning of my journey but certainly not the end.
Also on the graduation ceremony my teacher gave me a really nice speech, I had to go on stage and then he gave me a book about culture philosophy as a present. I am very excited to read it in my holiday! During that speech and moment on stage I was so shy, there were so much people and I had to stand there in front of all those people and well let's say I am not the most confident person, but it surely was very sweet that he did that.

Anyway, this was a little update of my life these last days.
It's mainly about philosophy because it of course had a huge impact in my life these last three months.
Now I'm basically learning to finally get my drivers license and when I get it my boyfriend said I could get a puppy!
We live really remote, there's only nature around our house and the bus line is like 30 minutes by foot..
The puppy is because my boyfriend is hopefully getting an other job, he'll be longer away from home and this way I won't be alone so much.
I am really looking forward to the puppy, I've always had dogs in my life, they all were male.
This time I'm getting a female, it'll probably be a yorkshire or a maltese. So excited for that!
Also I got in for law-school which is absolutely great, I cannot wait to start with my new study and hopefully the last one!
I am so grateful for my life right now and thankful to the Lord everyday.

Count your blessings and be thankful for them!
I wish you a beautiful summer.

Love, Tien.

I'll see you tomorrow on the moon,
Along the four corners of the Gods.
I'll see you tomorrow on the moon,
Just a few steps from them,
who I love.

There will be a carriage,
That will take us,
For a look at my childhood dreams.
You will recognize yourself in them.
And for you my darling,
The wind, …the wizard,
Will play a symphony,
Of a thousand melodies.

We will look together upon the earth,
Like a Christmas ball,
Light balancing,
On a big heavenly tree.

And from star to star,
The horses will fly with us,
In the hour that heaven,
Clothes itself in countless white dreams.

The wind will cover you,
With her canvases of soft lace.
And you will fall asleep,
In the most beautiful night ever.

I, I, ... I will rock you.
Patiently waiting on your awakening.
Then I will embrace you,
At the rising of the sun.

Until tomorrow ... on the moon.

(NOTE: It's a French song, I did my best to translate it. I'm not a big fan of the music but I am of the lyrics. Adamo - A Demain Sur La lune)

Falling like the stars, I'm falling fast and hard-
For something I can't reach.

Sadly one Sunday, I waited and waited
With flowers in my arms, for the grief I'd created
I waited 'til dreams like my heart were all broken
The flowers were all dead and the words were unspoken
The grief that I knew was beyond all consoling
The beat of my heart was a bell that was tolling
Saddest of Sundays

Then came the Sunday when you came to find me
They brought me to church and I left you behind me
My eyes would not see what I wanted to love me
The earth and the flowers are forever above me
The bell tolled for me and the wind whispered 'never'
But you I have loved and I bless you forever
Last of all Sundays

Diamanda Galas - Gloomy Sunday.

''Oh fuck.''

Those two words explain about everything.
every situation..
we land in.

I just found out.
Philosophy
is nothing more
than playing with words.
as is our existence.
Nothing much to cogitate about really.
The meaning of our existence is nothing more than the words we hang on it.

Nothing NEW to discover really.
Since the alphabet already exists.
Discovering a new letter would actually be a major discovery.
To create new words to say things we aren't able to say,
not because we don't dare but because we don't know how.
I wonder how it would be
To speak feeling that I even don't understand.
To write emotions I even don't know how to describe.
Maybe I should try and discover those new letters..

Maybe that's what philosophy really is.
Discovering new letters.
New pronunciation
To describe
the indescribable
Let's try.

Love.
Tien.